Dear God, Please Send Friends

We are now here and living in Nashville, TN! We were fortunate enough to sell our home in MN and buy a home close to a wonderful school for Aleks. My hope was that when it came time to update this blog that life would be settled down and Aleks would be well adjusted and happy. Well...have you ever heard the saying, 'Want to make God laugh?...Then tell him your plans.'

I think that I had forgotten that saying until just now. This move and our adjustment remind me that life happens in God's timing and his schedule.

What this move has taught me is that for a child with autism, a major move is more difficult than any of us (especially me) ever counted on. I thought I understood how difficult a new school and leaving her friends would be. What I didn't realize is that for her, the friendships were her family. For Aleks the friendships she had were vital to her stability and happiness. She had cultivated these friendships for the past several years in MN and leaving them left a hole in her heart. She talks about her friends all the time and she misses them every day. A lot of autistic children have trouble connecting and make true friendships. A lot...but not all autistic children. I remember her teacher in MN telling me that Aleks has real friendships and to make sure her new teacher knows this. She had read the opposite and wanted me to know that Aleks opened her eyes about this subject.

My hope and prayer for her is that she makes those same kinds of friendships here. I worry that the move was too much on her. I worry that I somehow failed her by making her leave all that she knew. I am scared that it is taking so long for her to make friends and feel connected. I'm scared of her acting up in class because she is nervous. I don't share these fears with many people because there is part of me that feels like by saying them out loud they'll be more real. The problem is that my fears have kept me silent and I've promised to share the good and bad in this blog. As always I hope that by sharing the truth of what we're going through it will help all of us grow and learn.

Blessings xo Melissa

A Move and Changes are Ahead...

Whenever I look at this picture, it makes me happy and sad all at the same time. Why? Well, because this picture is everything we've loved about living in Minnesota and what will make it so hard to say good-bye as we move and leave for TN. We had to tell Aleks recently that we're moving and leaving behind her friends, which really are our family, to go someplace unknown.

It is with great sadness and joy that we are leaving. We're sad to leave behind our friends and we're filled with joy at what God has ahead for us as a family in Nashville.

Telling an autistic child that a major change is ahead was scary for us and for her. We weren't sure how she would handle it and whether she would totally grasp the changes ahead. The good news is that she got it, she totally understood that TN would mean leaving MN and moving away. The sad news is that since she got it, she has told us she doesn't want to leave. Besides the reasoning of leaving friends and her school, she said that she doesn't want to leave because, "Mommy, Minnesota has all of my favorite letters in it....M...N..."! She also said that we have to tell our real estate that we want a new house, but in MN, not TN! Pretty funny stuff. She is getting better about moving. What I've learned is that she does understand more then I give her credit for and that she really needs this extra time to process and deal with the move.

As we're preparing for the move, it also means finding the right school and teacher. That for me is the scariest part and hardest part. I know that we really get one shot at moving and getting the right school. We can't ask her to keep making changes so we need to move from MN into her 'forever' home in TN. We also need to make sure that the school is right and can provide for her. She will need the stability of having a home and school that won't be changing anytime soon. For that reason, I ask for your prayers in selling our home quickly so that we can give that to her. BTW, I will continue our blog in TN.

xo

Melissa

Goodbye Sweet Friend...We'll Miss You!

Saying good-bye to a friend is heart breaking. Double that when you watch your child cry and say good-bye to their best friend. For the past year we've been blessed with Kayden, Aleks' best friend living behind us with her grandmother. We couldn't have asked God for a nicer, more understanding friend for Aleks. Kayden understood Aleks quirks and loved her unconditionally. Wow, I know I can learn a lot from Kayden about being a friend.

I was thinking as I cried on Saturday when Kayden told me they were moving Sunday (yes ,the next day) that every day is precious and you just never know what God has in store. I feel so blessed to have witnessed such a great friendship between two little girls. I was thinking that a year plus ago, my prayer to God was for a best friend for Aleks. I don't think I realized until today that God granted me an amazing gift by having this little girl in our lives. It reminds me of the saying..."Some people are in our lives for a lifetime, some for a season." I'm thankful for this past season.

xo

Kids Can Be So Darn Mean!!

Kids can be so darn mean. Haven't we all heard this numerous times and probably said it ourselves. One of the difficult aspects of having a child with autism is seeing how some other kids treat her. I have come to find her quirks and bluntness charming. I know though that other kids have called her behavior 'odd' and 'weird.' I witnessed today a group of girls, a little older than her, being rude to her and rolling their eyes at her. I was furious! To one little girl, I simple told her, "You could say no thank you." (Aleks offered her a drink). You know what, the little girl even rolled her eyes at me. So what do I do? As an adult and as a parent I feel like my choices are so limited in regards to other people's children. Do I say something to them? I feel like I have to be really careful on this one. I always say, how would I want it handled if it were my child. Do I talk to my daughter about their behavior? The problem is that sometimes I notice and she doesn't, so why draw attention to it and make her feel badly about herself. So I'm back to doing a lot of biting my tongue and thinking of all the things I wish that I could say.

I also feel an extra burden besides being a parent of a child with autism of also being a Christian and making sure that what I say reflects that. Here's what I will say, sometimes I do a good job of editing my comments and sometimes I don't do such a good job with my comments or my thoughts. :) I thought that being picked on as a kid was bad, but honestly it is 100 times worse to see my child being picked on. I know that today was really mild, I know that. My fear is that this is just the beginning and that I can't always be there to protect her. Knowing that I will continue to pray for her and pray that God blesses her with some really wonderful friends.

xo Melissa

Post HBOT - What We Learned

We said goodbye to 'subbie' - aka the HBOT chamber on Thursday June 30th. It was with a strange mix of emotions that we finished the HBOT treatments with Aleks. We went from having to argue with her and bribe her into getting into the chamber to having her ask to go in. I actually found that I looked forward to our alone time in the chamber together. We would crawl in, zip it up and disappear into our own little world for an hour. Aleks fondly named the chamber 'subbie' as in submarine and was shouting "good-bye subbie" as it was loaded up and taken away the last day.

Was it worth it? Have we seen any changes? I think as the parents who are with Aleks every day that is a hard question to answer. I will say that both Bill and I feel like we have seen some really positive changes post HBOT. I feel like during HBOT treatments her words were easier for her to find and that her emotions were more even keel. It also seemed like making transitions were easier and less dramatic for her. Since we were gone last week it will be interesting to see how this week goes for her. My hope is that the changes we saw with HBOT are still there this week. It wouldn't be fair to her to say whether or not we're still seeing progress since she was out of her regular routine last week and usually reacts more emotional to change. My hope is that the progress is still in tact and that this week will be another one of moving forward towards healing.

*BTW, I think we did about 20-23 dives @ an average of 60 minutes day.

Blessings xo Melissa

HBOT - 10th+ Dive

It's 8:25pm on Monday night and I'm doing but I bet no one else is doing right now. Anyone else in a HBOT chamber with their child?? I'm laying here with my laptop while Aleks is also using a laptop and watching a movie. We're 30 minutes in and I have to say that I now look forward to our time in here. It's strange, but the quiet, hum of the compressor and oxygen concentrator, plus Sting in my headphones is actually quite calming. The thing I've been surprised about this HBOT chamber is the time commitment it takes. When we got it for the month we didn't realize that both of us would have to be here to go for a dive to happen. With Aleks so young and a little frightened of going in by herself it takes two people to operate. Someone has to be on the outside to get the outside zipper and to monitor the pressure and take us in and bring us out of a dive. We've actually timed it so we could do the pressure valve by ourselves, but the zipper is still the biggest issue. Anyway, it's a rare sunny, beautiful day and we decided to let her play after camp vs. doing the chamber before dinner. That's how it got to be 8:30 now and we're only halfway done with tonight's dive. What I'm thankful for is that despite the odd time and the fact that I have to get up by 4am, we're still in here and making a go of it.

I've been asked what changes are we seeing. Honestly, it's hard to say but I feel like we've seen an increase in language but also an emotional increase as well. Aleks emotions seem to be heightened after a dive. She cries easier, but if we can get some fish oil in shortly after a dive she is better. I'm hoping that from what I know the emotions coming out are all part of the healing going on inside. Night! xo

More Than Just A Dad

On this Father's Day I want to say a very special thank you to my wonderful husband. If you're a special needs father, this thank you applies to you too.

To be the father of a special needs child requires a special heart and a special kind of commitment. Over three years ago both our lives changed when Aleks was diagnosed with autism. Although we were both like fish out of water when it came to our knowledge of autism, we were committed to figuring this diagnosis out and getting help. Our jobs were different, but both part of the puzzle. I was the primary researcher and Bill would follow through and implement the needed therapies, diet, supplements, etc. Ever since we moved to MN and Aleks was diagnosed, he has selfishly given up a good chunk of his life to help our daughter . At one point he was at Children's Hospital four days a week for therapies, in addition to driving an hour plus round trip to take Aleks to her DAN doctor. He kept Aleks calm for her chiropractic adjustments, ran to the store to get her supplements when we would run out and sat through countless hours in the observation room and waiting rooms at Childrens. I know we wouldn't have the recovering little girl today that we have if it weren't for her daddy. That is why on this Father's Day I want to say thank you to the most committed father I've ever met, my husband. As Aleks says, "You're the best daddy in the whole entire world and I love you."

xo